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Gracious Trump Suggests Delaying Election Until Dems Find A Candidate Who Can Form Coherent Sentences
Gracious Trump Suggests Delaying Election Until Dems Find A Candidate Who Can Form Coherent Sentences

WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Trump, always desiring to be gracious and fair, suggested delaying the election yesterday until the Dems can find a candidate who can form complete, coherent sentences.

The Babylon Bee
ALASKA: MAN WHO DIED EATEN ALIVE BY GRIZZLY BEAR COUNTED AS COVID-19 DEATH
ALASKA: MAN WHO DIED EATEN ALIVE BY GRIZZLY BEAR COUNTED AS COVID-19 DEATH

A man who died after being attacked by a grizzly bear was counted as a COVID-19 death in Alaska, according to the Anchorage Herald.

worldnewsdailyreport.com
NEW JERSEY BROTHER AND SISTER ALLOWED TO MARRY AFTER 10-YEAR-LONG COURT BATTLE
NEW JERSEY BROTHER AND SISTER ALLOWED TO MARRY AFTER 10-YEAR-LONG COURT BATTLE

A New Jersey brother and sister have won the right to marry after a landmark ruling by the Supreme Court of the United States.

worldnewsdailyreport.com
LOTTERY WINNER ARRESTED FOR DUMPING $200,000 OF MANURE ON EX-BOSS’ LAWN
LOTTERY WINNER ARRESTED FOR DUMPING $200,000 OF MANURE ON EX-BOSS’ LAWN

A man from Illinois was arrested for getting $224,000 worth of manure dumped on his former employer’s property, only two weeks after he won $125 million at the lottery and quit his job.

worldnewsdailyreport.com
CNN Calls Dr. Fauci's Wild Pitch '100% Accurate, Completely On Target'
CNN Calls Dr. Fauci's Wild Pitch '100% Accurate, Completely On Target'

WASHINGTON, D.C.—CNN is reporting that the ceremonial first pitch to open up the 2020 season at Nationals Park, which was thrown wildly off the mark by none other than Dr. Anthony Fauci, was 100% a...

The Babylon Bee
Nick Cannon Quits 'Masked Singer': 'I Need To See A Person's Skin Color Before I Pass Judgment'
Nick Cannon Quits 'Masked Singer': 'I Need To See A Person's Skin Color Before I Pass Judgment'

U.S.—Nick Cannon has stepped down from his position as host of The Masked Singer, saying he doesn't know how to judge someone's singing voice without first seeing the color of their skin. The move ...

The Babylon Bee
Elizabeth Warren Declares Herself Warlord Of Eastern Oklahoma Autonomous Zone
Elizabeth Warren Declares Herself Warlord Of Eastern Oklahoma Autonomous Zone

EASTERN OKLAHOMA—The Supreme Court decided this week that half of Oklahoma is Native American land. Failed presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren was seen soon after in the newly formed Eastern Ok...

The Babylon Bee
Trump Generously Offers To Give Biden 30-Minute Head Start On All Debate Responses
Trump Generously Offers To Give Biden 30-Minute Head Start On All Debate Responses

WASHINGTON, D.C.—There has been talk about canceling the Trump-Biden debates, since Biden might have trouble competing with Trump's scathing wit and daunting intellect, or at least might just have ...

The Babylon Bee
Washington, D.C. | A Caucasian woman says she was brutalized, handcuffed, and arrested in her own home last night by officers of the DC police and the DC National guard who mistakenly believed she was an Afro-American looter.
Washington, D.C. | A Caucasian woman says she was brutalized, handcuffed, and arrested in her own home last night by officers of the DC police and the DC National guard who mistakenly believed she ...

Around 11 pm last night, officers of the Metropolitan Police Department of the District of Columbia and DC National Guard military police were called to a luxurious residence of the Kalamora neighb...

worldnewsdailyreport.com
Protesters Near Sodom And Gomorrah Tear Down Lot's Wife
Protesters Near Sodom And Gomorrah Tear Down Lot's Wife

SODOM AND GOMORRAH—Mistaking her for a racist statue, an angry mob has torn down Lot's wife, who is a pillar of salt. His wife was thought to be a hateful symbol of white privilege and patriarchy a...

The Babylon Bee

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